I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately . . .the notion of “can we go back” . . .back to an old flame, the hearts desire, the one that got away. And should we even if we could?
Spring is in the air here in New England and if you live in a climate that has big fluctuations between the seasons like here in Boston, you will understand . . . there is something magical about Spring that screams not only new beginnings, but romance, and that hint of anything is possible. But, shouldn’t we all concentrate on the “new” part? Why do we always wonder about the past and think we can re-create it? Or do better this time? Is it a women thing to romanticize second chances or do men feel the same way?
I recently heard from someone from my past out of the blue. Being at the age I am, that covers a lot of time so I will not narrow it down for anyone – but suffice it to say, I did not expect to ever hear or see this person again. Was I okay with that? Not really, but I thought I was until I did hear from them. Circumstances had not changed, but still . . .
What draws us back? Is it comfort-level? Is it we sometimes fear the unknown so the past is easier? The memories we hold dear? Or is it really the emotions – like black and white ribbons bound up into a clumsy knot – that keeps us tied to a past love?
And should we ever really go back? Oh sure, you can say its for closure. Or that they have changed. Or that things (work, age, timing) are different now. But, is that right or is it what we tell ourselves so we don’t need to do the hard things like follow our own paths, meeting new people, and taking new chances so we continue to grow as a person? It’s a dilemma we all face at one time or another and the choice is never easy.
In The Dating Intervention, I wrote about this difficult mash-up of emotions and struggle to stay true to your own journey, exploring new paths, and following your dreams. And sometimes, as happens in life, something totally new could end up having older elements of our past woven in – and that might be just the best kind of future of all.